Forgiveness and peace in my heart
I cooked soup for my mum today. Maybe it's no big deal to some who's reading it (and yes, I'm capable of whipping up a homecook meal for 6 as well, chinese or western style, you name it) but it's a gesture which allowed me to bridge the gap that existed between my mum and me.
I have never mentioned it to anyone except Ms Clover, about the relationship between my mum and me. After my parents' divorce in year 2000, I had been harbouring resentment and blame over both my parents for breaking up the family. The feeling was more directed towards my mum than my dad coz of something I found out about the issue later on. After settling the divorce, I came to live with my dad which again had me thinking of the negativeness of the situation.
So for all that hatred and resentment built up, I never spoke to her again and it has lasted 4 years already. We didn't meet nor have much contact except the occasional SMS to wish her birthday or special occasions like Mothers' Day. Just a superficial gesture I guess....
Why I can't bring myself to forgive her was the thought that she was the cause of our family's disintegration. Ms Clover once bought me a poster that was entitled "Forgiveness - To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. Forgive all who have offended you, not for them but for yourself". I hung this poster on the wall facing my bed so that I can look at it before I sleep every night but still, I was hurt that my own kin would bring herself to end the family happiness even when there's 3 kids already.
Last Sunday's message by Auntie Shirley seems to query my inner self in the fact that we are who we are becoz of parents and that whatever wrong our parents may have done, we are still to forgive them and bless and honour them. After listening to the heartwarming message, I was rather soften and thought back to the times when I have been cold towards my own mum who was trying to reach out to me through the years. WHen the church called forth the mothers to the front of the pulpit and their children came to them to give their mums a hug... I felt a sudden loss... I wish I am doing that to my mum at that moment and telling her that she is the best in my life.
Somewhat I know I have a soft spot regarding my mum. Whenever I watch films that have scenes where the mother is dying or living her last days and her son finally came to her side, I teared. When I first saw A.I, the final scene where David, the mecha boy, got to spend just 1 day with his mother just before she pass into an eternal sleep, I cried and turned off the DVD. I can't bear the thought about what if one day, my own mum is dying and I still haven't found the strength to forgive her.... I know I will be living with regrets for the rest of my life.
As Auntie Shirley's message sank into me, I realised how stupid I was to harbour all that negativeness towards my mum who is growing old and frail. Whatever she has done before is all the past and just as Jesus can forgive me of all my sins, why can't I, as a Christian, forgive the hand that fed me and clothed me and groomed me to what I am today? I don't want to live in the regret that I can't tell her I love her personally or to hold her hand and let her know that she is the greatest mother in the world.
I made peace with my mum. And found forgiveness in my heart. That sunday, I sms-ed her with a sincere wish of a Happy Mothers' day. She replied promptly. And as she is going for another business trip tomorrow, I decided to do something she taught me a long time ago: I cooked her the soup that she taught me when I was younger. Although we haven't really conversate using our voices but I know this is a good beginning.
Thank you Lord for You have healed the wounds of old and renewed the ties that bind.
Amen.
I have never mentioned it to anyone except Ms Clover, about the relationship between my mum and me. After my parents' divorce in year 2000, I had been harbouring resentment and blame over both my parents for breaking up the family. The feeling was more directed towards my mum than my dad coz of something I found out about the issue later on. After settling the divorce, I came to live with my dad which again had me thinking of the negativeness of the situation.
So for all that hatred and resentment built up, I never spoke to her again and it has lasted 4 years already. We didn't meet nor have much contact except the occasional SMS to wish her birthday or special occasions like Mothers' Day. Just a superficial gesture I guess....
Why I can't bring myself to forgive her was the thought that she was the cause of our family's disintegration. Ms Clover once bought me a poster that was entitled "Forgiveness - To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. Forgive all who have offended you, not for them but for yourself". I hung this poster on the wall facing my bed so that I can look at it before I sleep every night but still, I was hurt that my own kin would bring herself to end the family happiness even when there's 3 kids already.
Last Sunday's message by Auntie Shirley seems to query my inner self in the fact that we are who we are becoz of parents and that whatever wrong our parents may have done, we are still to forgive them and bless and honour them. After listening to the heartwarming message, I was rather soften and thought back to the times when I have been cold towards my own mum who was trying to reach out to me through the years. WHen the church called forth the mothers to the front of the pulpit and their children came to them to give their mums a hug... I felt a sudden loss... I wish I am doing that to my mum at that moment and telling her that she is the best in my life.
Somewhat I know I have a soft spot regarding my mum. Whenever I watch films that have scenes where the mother is dying or living her last days and her son finally came to her side, I teared. When I first saw A.I, the final scene where David, the mecha boy, got to spend just 1 day with his mother just before she pass into an eternal sleep, I cried and turned off the DVD. I can't bear the thought about what if one day, my own mum is dying and I still haven't found the strength to forgive her.... I know I will be living with regrets for the rest of my life.
As Auntie Shirley's message sank into me, I realised how stupid I was to harbour all that negativeness towards my mum who is growing old and frail. Whatever she has done before is all the past and just as Jesus can forgive me of all my sins, why can't I, as a Christian, forgive the hand that fed me and clothed me and groomed me to what I am today? I don't want to live in the regret that I can't tell her I love her personally or to hold her hand and let her know that she is the greatest mother in the world.
I made peace with my mum. And found forgiveness in my heart. That sunday, I sms-ed her with a sincere wish of a Happy Mothers' day. She replied promptly. And as she is going for another business trip tomorrow, I decided to do something she taught me a long time ago: I cooked her the soup that she taught me when I was younger. Although we haven't really conversate using our voices but I know this is a good beginning.
Thank you Lord for You have healed the wounds of old and renewed the ties that bind.
Amen.
Thanks for sharing. Very touching. Am glad that things are ok between you and your mum, and there are many more of such moments to be cherished!
Posted by
Little Miss Snooze |
11:25 AM