shutterbugISm

I spoke to my mum today and got an update: initially thought that there were 2 arteries that were blocked was worse than I have imagined.

in total, 4 arteries were blocked - 1 of them 100%, another 85%, the 2 others are around 35 - 25% blocked

The recommending doctor has accessed that her heart should be strong enough to go through the heart bypass operation but such things are only based on statistics and past case studies. Every operation has its own factor. Insertion of a stent is deemed unfavourable due to the nature of the blockage. Any dislodge can result in an instant death.

She tried to sound optimistic (she is in the medical field also) but from her voice, I can feel that she was trying to convince herself more than convincing me that everything will be okie....

At this point in time, I'm at a loss for words... a part of me is so very fearful of the untowards. I remembered having to force myself to think on the bright side on the MRT ride to town just now coz I felt very helpless in my situation and this sudden surge of emotion is overwhelming.

A part of me knows that it's part and parcel of life and what is eventual will be so in God's time but the mere thought of losing someone so close to you is just so overwhelmingly unbearable.

Shyam prayed a very special prayer for my mum just now as we finished supper and was heading to the car. It's so heartening to know that your friends care and with the smses and concerns I have recieved over the past days after the entry, I really blessed to know that many are praying for her safekeeping and for her healing.


I think this entry from starsapphire is what I really need now:

Sometimes there really is no easy way to be victorious in Christ. To be truly strong in Him, we have to be weak in our human strength and abilities.

Technically, faith in human-based strength cannot co-exist with faith in Godly strength.

Who likes to be weak?
Who likes to be without resources and capabilities to overcome a situation?
Who likes to be vulnerable?

I know I hate it.

I hate the feeling of being truly helpless and desperate. I hate the feeling of losing control, where I have absolutely no say in what happens to me. I hate the feeling of being weak like a limp doll.

But it is only when we are truly weak, then we will have no one else to turn to except God. Only He has the means to bring back some control into the madness around me. Only He can guarantee me some form of sanity and meaning in all this chaos.

Only then, when a prayer is offered up in true desperation, will His power be made perfect in us, in our weakness.

Only when we empty these earthen vessels of all worldly strength, can God begin to pour His blessings of strength, grace, love, resources into our lives.

But how to empty ourselves of our own sufficiency? Sadly it is very very difficult. So God has to use trials to bring us to that place of desperation, that place where we fall on our knees and cry out in pain.

A single phrase of “Help me Lord!” cried in desperation is far more powerful than a whole paragraph of beautifully crafted sophisticated prayer said in an attitude of self-sufficiency.

It’s tough being a Christian. But when you experience trials, give praise because He loves you enough to put you through it so that you can find Him at the end of the day.

He alone is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He alone is the final destination in life.

I will update again on the final confirmation of her operation date after tomorrow's appointment with the doctor in charge. Please do continue to pray for her. Thank you and God bless.

Posted by ShutterBug on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 at 23:11 | Permalink